By Pathum Punchihewa
This is a short story. As the Star Wars prologue quotes, “A story probably happened in a galaxy far far away...” A dead man’s crepuscular confession maybe; or a perturbing near death experience... Who knows? What matters now is William Shakespeare quoted ages ago, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages…”
William Shakespeare was a man who lived among two eras, the baroque and the renaissance. Yet his phraseology and his poems inherited quaint and sombre baroque aspects and those blear yet intriguing and eloquent words dispersed into some tarnished lives, lives that had already determined their lives had come to an end…
Again, this is a story. Maybe a real story… But what matters right now is what should be in ones death quote? The suicide note that helps others to figure out what really happened and construe that life is like a daffodil, you bloom with the sunrise, you wilt with the sunset. What should unveil on the suicide note? A poem, a prose… It’s hard to understand but even the expectation of death makes a human creative. Just like romance…
Ah, romance… Isn’t it beautiful? That even right before your life ends, you crave for romance? Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life… If you want to love the world, you have to learn to love yourself. It’s as simple as that. But, is it possible that the love towards yourself guides you to the top of a hill and creates an extreme desire to jump off the edge and end this life of love. Maybe you want to end your life as you love yourself too much.
This is a story. Maybe a story about to happen after another era... nevertheless the suicide note is still empty. On the other hand, what is this ardor to leave a note after death? Does it really matter after the end? Is it for justifying the fact, or is it for glorifying the act?
What is the point of dying when you are able to live a few more moments? Sure there is a reason. Every time there was a reason. ‘Depression’ and ‘Lost in romance’ can be ruled out. Maybe you are looking for yourself. Maybe you wanted to peek through the mystique kaleidoscopic colours of your inner self and erupt from the hype you experience, but failed. You have no idea who you are anymore…
"Once upon a time, I, Chuang Tzu, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of following my fancies as a butterfly, and was unconscious of my individuality as a man. Suddenly I awaked, and there I lay, myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man."
You better come up with something, at least a Chuang Tzu quote thereupon you can complete the note and just die!
I hear a distance voice echo in my head. ‘Obey the reverse perspective, that’s nature…’ I must be in a stage of hallucinations. The momentum of thoughts might kill me slowly. I want to write my suicide note and I want to die. I’m tired of this identity crisis and all I can think about is the deep sleep my heart yearns.
I start to write. It was Osho… An Osho quote would make a perfect death note. Is it a suicide note or a love note? Seems my mind deludes me. It’s like a psychedelic drug in my system.
“Love has to be just your flavour, your aroma, your fragrance. When you pass by the side of a rosebush, the rosebush does not bother whether it likes you or not. Its fragrance is available to you as much as to anybody else, unconditionally, without any expectation in return. Its fragrance is available even when there is nobody present to enjoy it, appreciate it. It simply goes on releasing its fragrance; that is its nature…”
Wise words I must admit. Yet somewhere deep in my conscious there is a spark of aspiration about life. Did Shakespeare ever want to suicide? ‘Nirvana’ legend Kurt Cobain did. I guess it’s not my day to end my footprints of shore. It’s funny. I have a perfect suicide note but no intention anymore. Maybe an ‘Osho’ love quote might change the day…
Published on Daily Mirror (04th August 2011)